I have fought so hard with some things lately, really resisting God. I feel he was no where not listening. I even believed he deserted me at one stage.
I thought when I need you most and I am so desperate why have you left me. I need you I cried out. Help me lord.
I was listening to the song Healer by Kari Jobe. During this song every thing through the past 12months came to a surface.
I thought ok maybe cause I am feeling faithless I couldnt find healing. Well instead I heard loud and clear you are healed, there is a plan and a purpose for your life.
He showed me a door, a door constantly getting closed, it gets opened then closed again. This is us resisting. We know that our minds our hearts are so strong. A single though can change our biology, it can literally alter down to a cellular level.
How could I expect to have something with such a doubting, fearful and rejecting heart.
I realized I have NEVER been alone. I have had to face some stuff that has been super challenging. But I realised his been with my every moment. Even when I have been a complete turd ( for the lack of a better word) he has showered me with so much mercy. Not have I totally transformed as a person I have realised during this his bought out something really amazing and blessed me beyond recognition.
Patience
endurance
humility
faith
love
and so much more
His blessed me during a trial while leading me out to healing.
If I was healed in 5minutes flat, I would have really gained nothing. Maybe a lot less tears and fears but that was me resisting.
I know his walking with me everyday.
My father the one and only.
He will never forsake us.
x
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